Illustrator :: Match PMS Coated On Non-glossy Paper?

I am new to offset printing, working for a church that is creating a great new graphic identity. I am working with a local graphic designer to print our newly designed items, and the first item we sent to print was a small envelope for donating money. Our designer showed us a digitally printed proof that looked very close to our colour, PMS 268 C. But, once they were offset printed, they were much lighter, close to PMS 268 UC. I was very disappointed, and realized I should have requesting coated stock, and I feel my designer is to blame for not mentioning this to me/showing me a misleading proof. Now we need to get a letter head printed, and she tells me that to match a Solid coated colour we must use glossy paper (she says glossy=coated). It is mind boggling to me that a digital printer can produce deeper, richer colours on uncoated paper than an offset printer can. I certainly don't want a glossy letterhead, but I cannot settle for such a inaccurate colour match. Is there anyway to get a match to a coated colour on uncoated or at least non-glossy paper?